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This year.

I started it with a man that treated me so poorly that I couldn’t see how much of me he had stolen from me.

He argued with me daily through text messages but couldn’t come see me expected me to go to him.

We ended.

He threatened to come break into my house. Triggering my BPD cause I felt unsafe.

I drove to his dads to leave his box Infront of the house but I was shaking so my friend had to do it for me.


Months went by I pretended I was okay.


You came around. I had no plan on being with anyone. But you made me feel safe and I got lost in your eyes.


My best friend died suddenly. On my grandpa’s funeral anniversary. I hadn’t seen him for a while cause I was off in my own head cause it was safe.

I latched onto your blue eyes and I shouldn’t have.

The funeral came around.


I made a mistake by saying how I felt. When really I should’ve not said a word.

You became distant.


I was dealing with the grief of my best friend being dead. Or how terrifying it was to think my other best friend could’ve died.


I ran away from my brain and didn’t let me deal with everything going on for months.


Now blue eyes is gone.

Now I have no distractions.

And I am burnt out.

I have never felt this burnt out since I was internally bleeding and nearly died.


My mental health has floundered. My physical health too.


I am so lost.

I’m not okay.


It’s no ones fault but my own.

I didn’t want to feel the pain. But now it’s all I can feel.


I need someone to see me. I need someone to notice that I’m really not okay.


I miss talking to you every day.


But I miss my best friend more.

I’m sorry I wasn’t around Lewis. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there.

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